Sharing experiences as parents of a Deaf daughter

As parents of a deaf daughter, Nabukenya Zaharat, we appreciate God's gift that she was born to us and wish to share our personal experiences with parents of deaf or disabled children.

Zaharat, our very dear and lovely daughter was born in 1987 and is our third child. When she was six months old, we noticed something different in her and became extremely concerned and worried. She was not responding to any sounds. As caring and responsible parents, we immediately rushed her to an ENT (Ear, Nose & Throat) specialist to find out what was wrong and why she was not responding to sound. After taking many tests, it was confirmed that our daughter was deaf! This news was shocking and shattering. We returned home feeling dejected and thought a lot about what we would do. Every parent's desire is to have a child who has all their senses intact. We deeply thought about our daughter and had numerous concerns about the kind of life she would lead: was deafness a permanent condition? Would she learn to speak? What kind of future would she have? How would we educate her – were there any schools for the Deaf in Uganda? We were engulfed by anxieties mainly because we had no previous experience of deafness and had no one to consult. We did not understand what caused our daughters deafness. But as devout Muslims, it was our Faith that eventually gave us consolation. We believed that if she was deaf, it was God's Plan and Will. She was meant to be deaf and we were meant to accepte and appreciate her the way she is. For she cannot be otherwise.

We took her for an audiogram to find out the degree of her hearing loss: results showed that she was profoundly deaf and would never benefit from hearing aids. My wife and I discussed plans on how to provide the very best care for her and were determined that she grows up in the most loving home environment; that we would give her the best start in her early years of her life and throughout. We began searching for a school and when Zaharat was one and half years old, we booked her a place in advance at the Uganda School for the Deaf – the school in the entire country at that time. At five years old she began her education.

Since Zaharat's childhood, we have always considered her first and given her first priority in everything before considering our other hearing children. Naturally there was a feeling of resentment among her siblings, nevertheless, they loved and equally cared for each other. We continuously explained to them that she was a special child. We had to give her our maximum attention and the best parental love and support. When she completed primary education, we had wanted her to have the privilege of a secondary education, but this opportunity was not available for deaf children here in Uganda. There was no secondary school for the deaf. We had no choice but to enrol her in vocational training programme. She trained and obtained a certificate in tailoring, garment cutting and Ugandan Sign Language.

Zaharat has grown into an independent woman with admirable qualities. She is very intelligent, talented, kind, well behaved, responsible, clean, time conscious, sociable, innovative and appreciative. She makes us feel very proud and we are committed to ensure that she leads a productive, meaningful and fulfilling life because she is excellent in everything she does! In the early years, most people in our community did not think that our daughter would lead a ‘normal’ life. There were lots of unfounded beliefs that a deaf person was mentally retarded and not fit to live in society! We vehemently opposed this thinking and advocated for our daughter, despite the social prejudices. Whenever we went to social or family gatherings, we went with Zaharat and introduced her to everyone. We were never ashamed of her but wanted people to see her as an ordinary person, like anyone else. We wanted her to be acknowledged as a Deaf person. Over the years Zaharat has gained a lot of respect from her siblings, our family, relatives, friends and the community. Our belief in her has created awareness about deafness – most people no longer use derisive to refer to her - they have learnt to be accepting.

It is so disheartening and frustrating to know that many parents of deaf or disabled children in Uganda neglect, abuse and discriminate against them. Many hid them away from the public and confine them like prisoners in homes. Ugandan societies are deeply prejudiced towards the deaf and don’t consider them as human beings! There is a saying in my language: “Okukusembyayo kabadde kakodyo” meaning: “Making you come last was simply a trick”. In our culture this phrase is commonly used as an excuse when someone deliberately excludes another. The ‘victim’ realises that they are made to come last because they are insignificant. Most parents of deaf children exclude them by making them invisible. This attitude is negative because it isolates children and makes them feel unwanted and inferior within the family unit. Treating deaf children with indifference is detrimental to their wellbeing and psychological growth.

Over the years we have noticed some special qualities Deaf people possess which we wish to share with you. Our observations are as a result of interactions we have shared with our daughter and her numerous Deaf friends who constantly visit our home. For us, these visits are a great honour.

Deaf people:

Possess high intelligence although Ugandan societies continue to ignore, abuse and discriminate against them;
Are capable of doing anything and everything. In fact, if trained properly they produce better quality work which supersedes that of hearing people. The only difference is that they can’t hear;
Are very caring and loving. They share a high sense of belonging with each other – like a different cultural group with a distinctive way of life;
Possess superior communication abilities and skills through the use of Sign Language, body language and facial expressions. Sign Language is very captivating and amazing - it is the true and real language of the Deaf. We have grown to admire, appreciate and respect it;
Are not a security threat to society as most hearing people tend to think: Many hearing people are afraid of the deaf and regard them as hot tempered, dangerous and aggressive. This is stereotypical, untrue and a result of ignorance and lack of awareness about the deaf;
They are frank and straightforward: they don’t ‘beat about the bush’ as hearing people do, but instead directly tell you things as they know or see them.

We are so proud to have a Deaf daughter who has grown up to become self confident and independent. Currently we are supporting her to find work, which is a challenge - most hearing people refuse to employ a deaf person. Zaharat is highly competent in whatever she does and we believe that one day she will get a job that will enable her gain financial independence. People always ask us if she will ever get married. We support her in all areas of life and hope that she will be a happy woman. When she’s ready for this stage in her life, we wish that she will find a Deaf spouse – just like herself! This is also what she wants.

For parents of deaf or disabled children and all of you interacting with them, we wish to share this advice:

Appreciate that having a deaf or disabled child is God's plan and decision;
DO NOT feel ashamed of your deaf child. It is very important to accept and celebrate your child as a gift and a special human being. You have a lot to benefit from your child;
DO NOT discriminate, reject, isolate or abuse your child. DO NOT hide your child from the public. Treat your deaf child with respect, and as equally as your hearing children;
Parents have a moral duty and responsibility to raise thier deaf child in a loving and caring family. It goes against fundamental human rights to abuse or neglect your deaf child;
Invest in your deaf child by providing them with an education and life opportunities. Although realities of poverty affect most parents' ability to support thier child. It is still important to reach out in any way possible to do your best for the welfare of your child. Enable them become productive, independent and responsible world citizens;
If you are gifted with a deaf child, take it as a special honour and do not be afraid of challenges involved - it is rewarding experience to raise a deaf child!

As Muslim parents, we feel that the Muslim community in Uganda has not done much to respond to and address issues of deaf Muslim children. Muslim parents of deaf children need to recognise the need to support their children in all areas of life. This is the time for us to join efforts and support all initiatives geared towards providing a better future for all deaf children in Uganda, irrespective of religious, ethnic or socio-economic status. It is important to nurture deaf children and treat them with equality. We must accept the responsibility of providing deaf children with all the necessary opportunities to equip them with skills so that they can excel in their lives. This not only benefits the family and community: It benefits the entire nation! It benefits our World!

By Mutaawe Dauda & Nabaweesi Tatu

Mr. Mutaawe Dauda is the chairperson for parents and guardians of Deaf Youth - Deaf Link Uganda
Email: dlu@deaflinkuganda.org

	Sharing experiences as parents of a Deaf daughter. As parents of a deaf daughter, Nabukenya Zaharat, we appreciate God's gift that she was born to us and wish to share our personal experiences with parents of deaf or disabled children. Zaharat, our very dear and lovely daughter was born in 1987 and is our third child. When she was six months old, we noticed something different in her and became extremely concerned and worried. She was not responding to any sounds. As caring and responsible parents, we immediately rushed her to an ENT (Ear, Nose & Throat) specialist to find out what was wrong and why she was not responding to sound. After taking many tests, it was confirmed that our daughter was deaf! This news was shocking and shattering. We returned home feeling dejected and thought a lot about what we would do. Every parent's desire is to have a child who has all their senses intact. We deeply thought about our daughter and had numerous concerns about the kind of life she would lead: was deafness a permanent condition? Would she learn to speak? What kind of future would she have? How would we educate her – were there any schools for the Deaf in Uganda? We were engulfed by anxieties mainly because we had no previous experience of deafness and had no one to consult. We did not understand what caused our daughters deafness. But as devout Muslims, it was our Faith that eventually gave us consolation. We believed that if she was deaf, it was God's Plan and Will. She was meant to be deaf and we were meant to accepte and appreciate her the way she is. For she cannot be otherwise. We took her for an audiogram to find out the degree of her hearing loss: results showed that she was profoundly deaf and would never benefit from hearing aids. My wife and I discussed plans on how to provide the very best care for her and were determined that she grows up in the most loving home environment; that we would give her the best start in her early years of her life and throughout. We began searching for a school and when Zaharat was one and half years old, we booked her a place in advance at the Uganda School for the Deaf – the school in the entire country at that time. At five years old she began her education. Since Zaharat's childhood, we have always considered her first and given her first priority in everything before considering our other hearing children. Naturally there was a feeling of resentment among her siblings, nevertheless, they loved and equally cared for each other. We continuously explained to them that she was a special child. We had to give her our maximum attention and the best parental love and support. When she completed primary education, we had wanted her to have the privilege of a secondary education, but this opportunity was not available for deaf children here in Uganda. There was no secondary school for the deaf. We had no choice but to enrol her in vocational training programme. She trained and obtained a certificate in tailoring, garment cutting and Ugandan Sign Language. Zaharat has grown into an independent woman with admirable qualities. She is very intelligent, talented, kind, well behaved, responsible, clean, time conscious, sociable, innovative and appreciative. She makes us feel very proud and we are committed to ensure that she leads a productive, meaningful and fulfilling life because she is excellent in everything she does! In the early years, most people in our community did not think that our daughter would lead a ‘normal’ life. There were lots of unfounded beliefs that a deaf person was mentally retarded and not fit to live in society! We vehemently opposed this thinking and advocated for our daughter, despite the social prejudices. Whenever we went to social or family gatherings, we went with Zaharat and introduced her to everyone. We were never ashamed of her but wanted people to see her as an ordinary person, like anyone else. We wanted her to be acknowledged as a Deaf person. Over the years Zaharat has gained a lot of respect from her siblings, our family, relatives, friends and the community. Our belief in her has created awareness about deafness – most people no longer use derisive to refer to her - they have learnt to be accepting. It is so disheartening and frustrating to know that many parents of deaf or disabled children in Uganda neglect, abuse and discriminate against them. Many hid them away from the public and confine them like prisoners in homes. Ugandan societies are deeply prejudiced towards the deaf and don’t consider them as human beings! There is a saying in my language: “Okukusembyayo kabadde kakodyo” meaning: “Making you come last was simply a trick”. In our culture this phrase is commonly used as an excuse when someone deliberately excludes another. The ‘victim’ realises that they are made to come last because they are insignificant. Most parents of deaf children exclude them by making them invisible. This attitude is negative because it isolates children and makes them feel unwanted and inferior within the family unit. Treating deaf children with indifference is detrimental to their wellbeing and psychological growth. Over the years we have noticed some special qualities Deaf people possess which we wish to share with you. Our observations are as a result of interactions we have shared with our daughter and her numerous Deaf friends who constantly visit our home. For us, these visits are a great honour. Deaf people: Possess high intelligence although Ugandan societies continue to ignore, abuse and discriminate against them; Are capable of doing anything and everything. In fact, if trained properly they produce better quality work which supersedes that of hearing people. The only difference is that they can’t hear; Are very caring and loving. They share a high sense of belonging with each other – like a different cultural group with a distinctive way of life; Possess superior communication abilities and skills through the use of Sign Language, body language and facial expressions. Sign Language is very captivating and amazing - it is the true and real language of the Deaf. We have grown to admire, appreciate and respect it; Are not a security threat to society as most hearing people tend to think: Many hearing people are afraid of the deaf and regard them as hot tempered, dangerous and aggressive. This is stereotypical, untrue and a result of ignorance and lack of awareness about the deaf; They are frank and straightforward: they don’t ‘beat about the bush’ as hearing people do, but instead directly tell you things as they know or see them. We are so proud to have a Deaf daughter who has grown up to become self confident and independent. Currently we are supporting her to find work, which is a challenge - most hearing people refuse to employ a deaf person. Zaharat is highly competent in whatever she does and we believe that one day she will get a job that will enable her gain financial independence. People always ask us if she will ever get married. We support her in all areas of life and hope that she will be a happy woman. When she’s ready for this stage in her life, we wish that she will find a Deaf spouse – just like herself! This is also what she wants. For parents of deaf or disabled children and all of you interacting with them, we wish to share this advice: Appreciate that having a deaf or disabled child is God's plan and decision; DO NOT feel ashamed of your deaf child. It is very important to accept and celebrate your child as a gift and a special human being. You have a lot to benefit from your child; DO NOT discriminate, reject, isolate or abuse your child. DO NOT hide your child from the public. Treat your deaf child with respect, and as equally as your hearing children; Parents have a moral duty and responsibility to raise thier deaf child in a loving and caring family. It goes against fundamental human rights to abuse or neglect your deaf child; Invest in your deaf child by providing them with an education and life opportunities. Although realities of poverty affect most parents' ability to support thier child. It is still important to reach out in any way possible to do your best for the welfare of your child. Enable them become productive, independent and responsible world citizens; If you are gifted with a deaf child, take it as a special honour and do not be afraid of challenges involved - it is rewarding experience to raise a deaf child! As Muslim parents, we feel that the Muslim community in Uganda has not done much to respond to and address issues of deaf Muslim children. Muslim parents of deaf children need to recognise the need to support their children in all areas of life. This is the time for us to join efforts and support all initiatives geared towards providing a better future for all deaf children in Uganda, irrespective of religious, ethnic or socio-economic status. It is important to nurture deaf children and treat them with equality. We must accept the responsibility of providing deaf children with all the necessary opportunities to equip them with skills so that they can excel in their lives. This not only benefits the family and community: It benefits the entire nation! It benefits our World! By Mutaawe Dauda & Nabaweesi Tatu Mr. Mutaawe Dauda is the chairperson for parents and guardians of Deaf Youth - Deaf Link Uganda Email: dlu@deaflinkuganda.org

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